Monday, December 28: I’m about to pack my case for the next trip to the Edinburgh Cancer Centre tomorrow (actually, that’s rubbish I’ll be throwing things in the case at the last minute tomorrow morning!). Now I’ve had four treatments and know what to expect I’m less nervous than I was last week. Although, after five days of stuffing my face with Christmas fare. I’m a bit concerned my mask won’t fit me anymore.
I seem to be the only person worried about the amount of weight I’ve gained – and am still gaining – since my diagnosis. Everyone else tells me it’s good because my body needs the calories to repair itself from the radiotherapy – plus, I may yet become unable to eat because of a very sore throat. My walk from hotel to hospital and back isn’t really going to do much for weight loss, nor is the food in the hotel. It is pub grub: burgers (which don’t come singly but in a ‘stack’ of two, chicken wings, wraps, fries – thin fries, lattice fries, sweet potato fries (are they less fattening?) and all in large portions. I chose a ‘super salad’ one night and it was enormous packed with quinoa, peas, broccoli, avocado and goodness knows what else.
I’ve only two nights there this week but after New Year I’ll be staying for five nights a week for two weeks. I have to do something or I’ll be the size of a bus. The receptionist did say the kitchen staff would be very accommodating if I wanted to request something different. A bowl of homemade soup would be welcome.
I know some of you already know about radiotherapy, having experienced it, but for those who aren’t sure what happens there’s an explanation on the Macmillan website here. I asked if I could take a photo of the machine. I have to stop myself from using expressions like sci-fi because, of course, this isn’t science fiction but science fact.
Once I lie down, with my little bit of kitchen towel to protect my modesty, the radiographers fit my mask and fasten me into place – this sometimes takes a bit of faffing around to get it right but it doesn’t feel so bad now. The table I’m lying on is then raised. By then I have my eyes shut. And my mouth, though they assure me I can open my mouth. I haven’t tried it yet though on the last treatment my lips did twitch slightly in a smile. This was because, although I know there isn’t one, the machine makes a noise, which in my imagination sounds like a little robot on tiny metal feet scurrying from one side of the table, behind me to the other side to direct the next beam of radiation before scurrying back again. In fact the machine rotates.
Two YouTube videos show exactly how it works. The first one is short; the second one is longer and shows how different kinds of cancer are treated. Both give you the idea of how the machine works – though the second one is my favourite with its dramatic soundtrack. You only need to see the first couple of minutes to get the idea.
I also took a photo of my tumour – or, at least, the area which is being treated – reflected from inside the head of the machine on the floor.
Then, I took one directly up into the head of the machine and got this image. The radiographer explained lead leaves fit round the treatment area and can move when the machine moves around me, shaping the beam of radiation to the tumour. It means the cancer cells in the tumour receive a high dose and normal healthy cells nearby receive a much lower dose. I think that was the explanation. I was so excited at the image I’d captured I’m not sure if I took in all she was telling me. The wonderful thing about the radiographers is they will explain it to me again and answer any other questions even though they must have answered them all countless times.
It’s strange to think it will be 2021 when I write my next update. A few months ago, I wasn’t sure I’d see Christmas this year and now I’m looking forward to spring (hope I’m not tempting fate) and seeing the bulbs I planted in bloom and meeting Sue in April and Barb and welcoming a great niece into the world.
Wishing everyone all the best for 2021 – we all so much deserve a better year.
Looking forward to hearing from you next year and for several more to come! ❤
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Thanks for that, Annette. And thanks for your support this year – it has meant a lot x
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Keep up the good fight Mary!🤗
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Thanks, Kim. I hope to do so! Thanks for supporting me this far 🙂
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😙
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You definitely deserve a better year, and you will get it. Thanks for the update.
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Thank you, John, I think there are a lot of people who deserve a better year = probably all of us 🙂 Your support has meant a lot.
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😊
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I think we are allowed to look forward to April 😉
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I hope so, Sue. I certainly am – and it doesn’t seem so far away now 🙂
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No, it doesn’t 🙂
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This was very Sci-Fi for me. Wishing you all the best and a much better year, Mary. See you here next year!
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It is for me, too, Darlene. It is amazing what can be done nowadays. Fingers crossed it’s doing its stuff. Thanks for your support and good wishes.
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I actually prefer the first video Mary? I liked the radiographer. You are doing brilliantly Mary keep it up . I would love to see you next year, covid rules allowing 💜💜
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Thanks, Willow. I thought the first one at least showed what the machine does – the second one was a bit more dramatic! Let’s hope we see the back of Covid next year and people can meet up without fear.
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Yes Mary it would be amazing if we could move around the country and meet up with friends 💜
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Good luck Mary. I’ll be thinking of you.
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Thanks, Lynn. Speak tomorrow, I hope.
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You definitely deserve a better year!
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Thank you! I think we all do so here’s to a better 2021 – and the end of Covid.
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❤
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Thank you for the update, Mary, and the sci fi information about radiography. What they’re able to do with the beams is really quite remarkable. I had no idea it was so precise. I hope your treatment continues to go well and that you’re able to keep your spirits up. Sending good thoughts your way!
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I think it’s pretty impressive, Liz. Seeing how it works with such precision has given me a degree of confidence I didn’t have before I learned how it all worked so precisely. Thanks for your good thought for the next steps.
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You’re welcome, Mary. 🙂
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All best wishes, Mary, for the next couple of weeks and of course 2021.
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Thanks, Cathy. I think most of us will be glad to see the back of 2020. I hope 2021 will be better, even if not in the first few weeks.
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A meteor coming through the sky probably looks beautiful, too. And twinkling stars are beautiful from a distance. Why is it that most of what’s in the universe is trying to kill us? 🙂
I do have a strange sense of humor, but I’m serious about prayers for your recovery.
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I guess my coral-like tumour and a meteorite have similar killer tendencies 🙂 I appreciate the prayers – thank you.
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That’s very interesting Mary, and I’m pleased to hear the Radiographers have lots of time for their patients and can answer questions. As you say, quite beautiful images related to this ghastly thing. Makes you wonder crazy things like maybe if we admire its image enough, it’ll be satisfied and take itself off altogether. Unless it’s a Trump tumour of course, in which case it’ll stay around endlessly. No, I’m imagining it’s the kind that will respond to attention, by taking itself away to some far flung place and staying there. In the meantime, shrinking by the day and hour thanks to these treatments. Fingers crossed for a smooth treatment this round. x
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I think it needs to be blasted out of existence, Janette, no matter how beautiful it looks. The shrinking doesn’t start immediately but goes on for a wee while after the treatments finish so I won’t know until about six weeks after the treatment ends.
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Wow, that is some high tech machinery. Let’s hope it zeroes right in on that tumour and blasts it into oblivion! Take care… Wishing you a return to maximum health in 2021! ❤
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It’s quite something, isn’t it! All that technology gives me a bit of confidence in a good result. Thanks for your good wishes. Here’s to a better 2021 for us all.
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Amen!
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Thanks for the info and update, Mary… Healing thoughts and prayers for a blessed and beautiful 2021! ❤
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Thanks so much, Bette. I wish you all the best for 2021, too. xx
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Thanks, Mary… 💞
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What I liked best about your explanation is that as technology advances further and further into ‘science fiction’, they’re able to hone in on just those bastard cancer cells and give ’em what for without causing too much damage, (relatively speaking) elsewhere … good luck 😀 … see you in 2021.
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Yep, that’s the idea behind it – zero in on the cancer cells and smash them up. Once they start to die, apparently they continue to die. And the healthy cells round about are damaged as little as possible – and will get better. I watched the Christmas special Call the Midwife and the doctor said he could see a patient had had radiotherapy because of the burn marks on his back – this was 1965 so we have come a long way.
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Call the Midwife is still around? Excellent … I must see if I can catch up. 😀
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They did a special on Christmas Day and I believe a new series starts early in the New Year.
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Ah, just found this, Mary. Seems as if everyone is keeping you well informed, thank goodness. Things have come along way since I had my radiotherapy ( I just bear the tiny blue crosses that indicted where the ‘beams’ were directed – well it is twenty years ago!). Forget worrying about weight – by the time you meet up with Sue and Barb you will be sylph-like! Will be thinking of you and am wishing you an good start to 2021 in the meantime. x
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My marker dots are on my mask so I don’t have any ‘tattoos’ on me! Thanks for your support and good wishes. I’m just about to leave for Edinburgh for the next three sessions.
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Take care. x
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Mary, I’ll be thinking about you during this period, hoping that those little beams are hitting all the right spots, missing the others. I had radio therapy 37 year ago as well as recently am I too was amazed at the progress they have made. The dosages are much less, the targets more exact and the overall results better. I can say with me, that two weeks after treatment the pain stopped; however, your target is to remove the tumor itself.
Best wishes
John Sullivan
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Thanks so much, John – all positive thoughts are much appreciated. Especially any that prevent the sore throat!
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Wow the wonders of technology.. I knew how precise the measurements had to be but wow you are correct to hope, Mary… May next year bring you all you wish for… xxx
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I’m pretty amazed at what they can do to make things so precise. It has changed so much in the last few years. All the best to you and yours for 2021 when it comes.
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Thanks so much for sharing this. Is it weird that I find it absolutely fascinating? Can’t wait for that meet-up with you and Sue!!!!
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Not at all weird, Barb. I’m pretty much a technophobe but seeing what these machines can do – and the people who operate them – is fascinating. April isn’t so far away now – scarves at the ready 🙂
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I hope the treatment goes well and is effective in killing the tumor. Lots of prayers and hugs
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Thanks, Sadje. I’d like that but I think they are expecting it to shrink further but not necessarily be totally killed off – however, fingers are crossed for the best possible result.
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Your photos are fascinating, Mary. I wonder how many of the other patients ask to take photos to put on a blog? 🙂
Anyway, you have to still be around in March 2022, as I will be 70 years old! I will be expecting you to be there wishing me a happy birthday from Scotland.
Take care, and have a wonderful NYE celebration. If only to celebrate that you got to see 2021.
Pete. x
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and June 2022, for my 70th too!
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I’ll try 🙂
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Thanks, Pete. The answer to your question is lots. When I asked if it would be possible to take a photo of the machine, I half expected them to say no but they said yes right away and suggested putting my mask on the table. They say they are always being asked because so many people blog about their cancer treatment. It’s good to know they are happy to oblige.
Can’t promise to be around for your 70th but I’ll certainly try. NYE will be low key at home but yes, it will be good to celebrate seeing in 2021.
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You will be here for my 70th, I insist. So that’s it, no arguments. x
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Thank you for sharing this update, Mary. Sending you all the very best for 2021.
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Thanks so much, Wendy. I hope 2021 will be a good year for you, too.
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Amazing medical technology, nice to hear the radiographers are so good with you. Here’s hoping for a much better New Year for you, and everyone!
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If anyone deserves a better year, it’s you Mary, and Sue as well. Be thinking of you. Did you mention where the tumour is? I guess shoulders and above if I look at the cage?
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To use one of Pete’s favourite words, the technology is awesome 🙂 It really is. I never thought I’d spend so much time on YouTube watching machines (apart from forest harvesters, which fascinate me). Yeah, I hope we all have a better 2021 – we all deserve it.
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I thought I’d replied to your comment, Fraggle, but it seems to have disappeared. I did, because I used Pete’s ‘favourite’ word – awesome – to describe the technology, because it really is. The staff must receive a different kind of training in people skills because they are calm, matter of fact, open to questions – actually seem to welcome the chance to explain things – and don’t do the fake sympathy bit. I didn’t say all that in my first comment.
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You did Mary, it’s still in my comment thread, but I don’t mind two replies 😊 I was a nurse for several years and found empathy is better welcomed than sympathy, fake or otherwise.
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Double wow from me!
First because of the photos and explanation – so good. Those clever things to get the radiation shaped just so – and the area looks huge!
But second, and major wow is because you are looking forward. I am sooooo glad for you. This is such a change from September. Really pleased for you and hugging you like mad – as if you could stand that. And of course, Roscoe just looks smugly at me. He’s sending kisses, as usual. ❤
Good luck with next week's food 🙂
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Oh, Jemima, thank you. I hadn’t realised I was more positive and looking forward – but, yes, from assuming I wouldn’t make the end of this year to hoping (believing, even) to reach April 2021 is quite a change. Maybe, one day, we’ll get to share a real hug 🙂 In the meantime virtual ones have to be enough – along with kisses from Roscoe.
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Thanks for all the explanation. I’m a doctor, but things have moved on since I studied, and having worked in psychiatry most of the time I don’t get much direct exposure to this. Fascinating as it is, the good news is that you are looking forward to the future now. Take lots of care and enjoy the start of 2021. Take care, Mary. ♥♥
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I think some of the developments are fairly recent, Olga – and no doubt are changing all the time. But, my goodness, the cost. I saw somewhere online that one machine like the one which delivers my radiotherapy costs around $5.5 million!
Thanks for your good wishes and I hope 2021 will be a good year for you xx
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“Enjoying” is the wrong word, but I do like your posts about the cancer and treatments. A view into a world I hope never to have to experience, but it makes it real rather than sci-fi or trips into the wild flights & frights of imagination we can have when we are uninformed.
Your writing makes us feel we are there along side you. And although you obviously can’t feel it, I’m in no doubt every reader is mentally trying to reach out and hold your hand through each experience.
See you next year!
((hugs))
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I’m glad you like the posts, Kim. I hope you never have to experience these things but at least you will have more of an inkling than I had. And, actually, I can feel people reaching out – and it keeps me going to have such support. If we could just get rid of Covid I’d feel able to say we will see each other in real life – for a hot chocolate and a hug :)-
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I’m finding your cancer blogs have an awful fascination Mary – I am impressed by the precision of the technology and have fingers and toes crossed that it kicks ass for you.
Hope you manage to side step the burgers in the hotel! (to answer your question – sadly no the sweet potato fries are not less calorific than potato ones! They are similar and even slightly more calorific (according to WW)).
Hoping all went well for this round – see you at the next zoom pilates!
Sending countless good luck wishes
Sue x
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Thank you, Sue. I am also impressed with the technology and precision – and I think the radiographers should have their praises sung much more for the fabulous work they do. I had a feeling that would be answer regarding sweet potato fries! Never mind. Everyone in the radiography department tells me not to worry about the weight gain as my body needs the calories to help repair the healthy cells which will be damaged. I believe we start Plates again on 4th. I’ll be in Edinburgh with my mat!
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You deserve it Mary after all you’ve been through. I agree how strange it is that the cancer can be beautiful in a strange way. Hoping you continue to thrive and that the New year is kinder to you. Much love Marje x
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I sort of expected the dark blobby patch, which is what I’ve seen on the scan results but the coral-like thing is rather lovely – but it needs to go! I wish you all the best for the New Year, too, Marje – we all need to think the coming year will be better.
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Yes absolutely it’s been one hell of a year, Mary. I’ll be glad to see the back of it. And the coral like thing must go. x
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These are very interesting pictures, Mary, I’ve never seen anything like this before. The treatment does sound to bad from what you have said here, although I would find being pinned down a little scary.
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I really hadn’t expected that three dimensional one of the tumour, Robbie. So far, the treatment has been OK and I’ve been lucky to have had a good break from it over Christmas and again for New Year. After that it might be tougher as I only get one day off. We’ll see. It does feel a bit worrying when the mask is clipped on but fortunately it’s not for long – three or four minutes.
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I can just picture the little robot running from side to side Mary. It’s great to know how the radiology works. I think it always helps to know exactly what’s happening. I would see it as a challenge to see how much weight you can put on in the first few weeks!
Juliet xx
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I’m glad you can picture it, Juliet. Although my eyes are firmly shut and I can see nothing, I can ‘hear’ it on its little metal feet! I don’t have music playing because I like to focus on the sounds the machine makes. The radiographers humour me by saying ti does sound like a little robot 🙂 I’m sure my mask is getting tighter because my face is fatter!
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Happy New Year energy coming your way, Mary. ❤️
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Thanks, Colleen. I hope 2021 will be a good year for you xx
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Thank you, Mary. I have high hopes for your year to improve as well. ❤
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Sending you loving hugs and warmest wishes for a truly wonderful Covid and cancer-free New Year, Mary. You are awesome. Toni x
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Thanks so much, Toni. I think most of us are looking forward and hoping 2021 will be a better year than 2020. Hugs back and all the best for the New Year.
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Mary, I have never seen anything like that–nor would I have ever expected a tumor to look like “a rare piece of coral.” Intriguing as it is, I hope the radiation lasers it away. May the new year bring you all the good news and blessings you deserve! As Toni said: You are awesome.
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If you cut me open, Linda, (please don’t) I think the tumour would look like a dark lumpy thing but the photo from the head of the machine really makes it look quite spectacular. Yes, however it looks, I don’t want to keep it and hope the radiation is starting to shrink it, though apparently it takes quite a while to affect it as the radiation works on after the treatment sessions finish. I don’t feel awesome, though I think the technology and those wonderful radiographers are. All the best for next year and thanks for your support.
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Thanks for the detailed description and the useful videos, it will certainly make it less scary for those who have this ahead of them.. by the sound of it you will be home for New Year’s Eve and wishing you a wonderful Hogmanay. As always in my thoughts…♥♥
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I don’t know if the radiographers are the same in every hospital, Sally, but I have to say those in Edinburgh’s Cancer Centre are wonderful and really take away the anxiety. Always willing to answer questions. I know there will be some unpleasant side effects as next week and the week after have six days of treatment but I know they will do all they can to minimise them. And I’ve been taking my honey before the sessions to stop me coughing 🙂
It will be a quiet Hogmanay at home but I think we’ll raise a glass to the New Year – and another one to see the back of 2020. Wishing you and David all the best xx
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Having such a helpful staff does make all the difference and sharing your experiences will help others enormously.. Good job on the honey.. I hope it helps and wishing you and Jon a lovely New Year…♥
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It really does. So far I haven’t coughed once my mask is in place – though I always have a little throat-clearing one just before the put it on 🙂 I wish the same for you and David.
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That’s good news…♥
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Mary, only you can capture a sense of the sci-fi and ethereal through all this. The photo looking up is mesmerising… as if I want to look further, beyond and all will be revealed! Wishing you a so much better year and not long until those bulbs are out for you, beckoning to Spring! Hugs xx
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I was astonished when I saw the photo, Annika. I expected to see the dark blobby shape which is what I see with my eyes – it’s really weird – but fascinating. Yes, spring is on its way although I’ve seen more snow on the journey to and from Edinburgh than I’ve seen in years! Hugs back.
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Keep up the brave fight Mary. And keep wearing the boots. Don’t forget to use them to boot this year the hell out! Happy New Year! x
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Thanks, Debby. Happy New year to you and yours. x
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Thanks Mary! ❤
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Hope you have good news in the new year, Mary. Look forward to hearing giw you go. Cheers
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Thanks, Pete. Happy New Year.
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You too, Mary
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How you go…..must take these boxing gloves off when i type….
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